My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Shi Nian's breath hitched in her throat. At this moment, she felt as if in front of her was no longer Jiang Jinyan, but a ruthless devil that would punish her as soon as she blurted out something wrong.

W—What's wrong? They had just been talking nicely, hadn't they? So why did he suddenly get angry out of nowhere?

Shi Nian froze with her eyes wide open.

"Hmm?" The man urged softly. "Come on, tell me."

She blinked, entranced by the lure of his low and husky voice. "What...do you want to know?"

"I just want to know how good this Jia Ming'en is."

"How good?" Shi Nian furrowed her brows softly. Her eyes landed on the bag of medicines. "He bought you so many medicines and brought you home. Isn't that good enough?"

Sometimes, Jiang Jinyan was grateful for how dense Shi Nian was. Like that, she wouldn't pay attention to the annoying bugs around her. However, everything turned different when it came to him. How could she be such an airhead? It was so frustrating yet endearing at the same time.

Jiang Jinyan had nowhere to vent the stuffiness in his chest. The fever caused his inhibition to weaken slightly, causing him to spurt out things that he usually wouldn't say even if someone threatened him with death. "…Not good enough."

Shi Nian blinked a few times, confused. "Not enough?"

He let his head drop onto her shoulder and nuzzled there a few times. "No."

The soft hair carrying the faint scent of sweat and shampoo tickled her skin. She shrunk her neck slightly, but her awkward position she fell into prevented her from moving away. "You…are you jealous?" She blurted out the first thing in her mind.

How could it be? Shi Nian was certain that it was out of the question. Jiang Jinyan would definitely deny it just like how he did when she asked the same question last time. She felt ridiculous for asking the exact same question, hoping that she would get a different answer one day…

"Yes." All of her thoughts died down with his one word. The man said quietly. "I don't like it when you pay attention to other men. I don't like it when you talk about them either. Do you think…I am too much?"

Shi Nian froze in place, too shocked to form any words.

Jiang Jinyan, after not receiving any answer after a while, grew disheartened. "Sorry, I—"

"No!" She cried out in reflex. "It's not too much! Not at all!"

The man slowly lifted his head and was shocked to find fat, round droplets of tears dripping down her eyes like a loose faucet. Baffled, he asked, "Why are you crying?"

"Sorry…" Shi Nian sniffled and wiped her face in fluster. "I—I'm just…too happy."

Jiang Jinyan paused and let out a soft chortle afterward. His dark eyes gleaming as his thumb reached out to caress her damp cheek. "I'm suffering here but you're happy instead? Shi Nian, are you a sadist?"

Shi Nian received a great scare by his last question. "No! How can I be?!"

Jiang Jinyan never expected to see such an excessive reaction from her. 

Colors drained from her face and she looked anguished as if she wished she could dig her heart out for him to see.  Instead of stopping, her tears fell unceasingly down her cheeks and dropping onto his hand. It was both scalding and painful. "I…I have never wished to see you suffer. Whatever I do, whatever I say, I wish for your happiness the most…"

"Okay, okay." Jiang Jinyan hugged the girl tightly, patting her back in comfort. "I am just joking. You care for me this much, how can I suffer? I was just teasing you, okay?"

Shi Nian grasped the hem of his shirt, sniffling. "...You're really not suffering?"

Jiang Jinyan didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "No."

The girl wasn't willing to put the topic down. She told him seriously. "I know that I am quite dense, I don't really know what you're thinking about unless you tell me. So, if I hurt you, if…on any occasion, I did something wrong to you, you should tell me directly, okay? I am willing to change, to fix my mistakes and redo them—"

Jiang Jinyan couldn't bear to listen any longer and engulfed her in another embrace, tighter and warmer. 

"En." His voice came out slightly hoarse, forcefully suppressing the emotion that almost burst forth. His heart was aching and sour at the same time and his eyes watered. "Thank you." 

Thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for always smiling, thank you for your effort in protecting me, thank you for caring for me, for accompanying me, for worrying me, for loving me…countless thankyou's popped up in his mind in a split second.

It was only then that he realized, in a short span of time since he met her, she had unknowingly given him so much. Strength, affection, comfort, care, companionship, warmth, sincerity. Those which he couldn't obtain from any other person, she gave him as much as she could in her own silly way.

Maybe that was what attracted him to her.

"It's me that should thank you…" She muttered quietly under her breath.

If there was no him, then there wouldn't be the Shi Nian today. She owed him a life, yet she could only repay him this way. Sadly, it was only her who still recalled everything…

"What did you say?"

"No." She shook her head and smiled, wiping her tears away. "Come on, you should eat medicine with a full stomach and get lots of rest."

Jiang Jinyan had already forgotten about Jia Ming'en after seeing her cheer up. He obediently took the medicine and told her, "You should go home. Don't linger here lest you catch my cold."

"I don't mind." She mumbled with a pout. "I am very healthy anyway."

"Shi Nian." he called with that deep voice of his tinged with a hint of warning.

Jiang Jinyan only needed to say her name for her to turn obedient. Begrudgingly, she agreed. "You should properly lock the door. There's still a little porridge left in the pot. If you're hungry, you can go to the kitchen and heat it up. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, even if it's in the middle of the night—"

"Alright, I know." Jiang Jinyan chuckled. His mind rapidly turned drowsy as the medicine kicked in. "You should return quickly otherwise Auntie will worry about you."

Shi Nian looked at his sleepy face and felt her heart soften into mush. Her eyes glanced around the large, lifeless bedroom and couldn't help but imagine. If she left later on, how quiet would the house be? How desolate was it? Jiang Jinyan…wouldn't he be lonely and sad?

"What are you standing in daze for?" He urged, voice quickly turning into soft mumbles. "Hurry and go home."

Shi Nian opened her mouth, intending to ask. What about your family? Your parents? Why aren't they staying with you at times like this? Why haven't I heard you talk about them?

However, she intuitively felt like it wasn't a topic he would like to discuss, thus she sensibly shut her mouth and bid him goodnight.

For the rest of the night, Jiang Jinyan slept soundly. Not even plagued by the usual nightmares. Instead, he dreamed of a sea of flowers, it was very colorful and mesmerizing, stretching as far as his eyes could see, colliding with the light blue skyline. Every time he gazed far into the distance, his heart would feel lighter and happier.

Beside him, there was a scrawny, blurry figure dressed in simple robes. Jiang Jinyan had no control of his body, but he sensed no rejection or repulsion toward that person. Instead, they seemed…quite close. "You have done a great job maintaining the garden." He heard himself say in satisfaction. "Even the withered roses have been revived."

The blurry person by his side took a step forward and skillfully trimmed the largest, freshest and most beautiful Chinese rose whose color was deeper than blood. They[1] cut off all of the thorns and presented it to him like a trophy.

The corner of his mouth twitched. "You want to give it to...me?" He didn't know the reason why, but he felt like roses were the last flowers that could ever represent him.

That person didn't move, as if waiting for him to receive it.

In the dream, Jiang Jinyan felt a mixture of helplessness, joy…as well as a sliver of regret and sadness. He accepted the rose gingerly. "Thank you. It's very...beautiful."

That person gave a bright smile in return.

The smile looked lovelier—very much so—than the rose in his hand.

He should give the rose to them instead, he mused.

.

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[1] That person was pronounced as 'they' because Jiang Jinyan had no idea whether it's male or female

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A/N: aaah, a fragment of Jiang Jinyan's memories ≧ω≦ let's wish that he will remember Shi Nian sooner or later. It's too pitiful being the one who remembers everything QAQ