My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Once in a while, the girl with golden eyes would haunt his dream.

The first time she did was the night after Jiang Jinyan confronted her, asking "What exactly do you want?" 

At that time, he didn't know how he offended her but he ended up getting slapped on his cheek. Amidst his slumber, instead of Guan Xiaoxiao's face, he saw Shi Nian instead, eyes filled with tears and pain as she gazed at him.

Whenever she appeared, Jiang Jinyan would always snap awake with back coated in cold sweat.

However, the scene in his dreams shifted since her confession. Such a pure, sincere and simple confession. The three words 'I like you' which could be found anywhere, between mother and child, friends, family, lovers…

They didn't have such a relationship, but Shi Nian's 'I like you' was enough to set a storm in Jiang Jinyan's heart, much to the indifferent exterior he showed.

She would use that soft, meek voice of hers, like a mewling kitten, saying 'I like you' over and over again. Sometimes, she would wear a lilac dress, but sometimes, she would also wear a simple, coarse robe he had only seen in historical dramas.. Jiang Jinyan was astonished by the extent of his imagination.

At first, Jiang Jinyan would refuse her harshly, but the Shi Nian in his dream was much more sticky and stubborn than the real Shi Nian. When Jiang Jinyan rejected her, she would hover around him with those large golden eyes, aggrieved as she asked, "Do you not like me?"

Did Jiang Jinyan like her?

He didn't know.

But was he moved by her?

How could he not be? Who wouldn't be moved after being showered by care and affection for a continuous period of time?

Jiang Jinyan wasn't a rock, and his heart was one either. He could feel himself getting swayed. But he knew that there's a hurdle he couldn't pass.

He was scared.

Scared that he was just a quest to be conquered, scared that he was a mere white moonlight, and when they got together in the future, she would see all of his flaws and be disappointed.

He admitted it, what he was scared of was failing to live up to the expectation of people whom he cherished. Be it his father, his mother, his coach, his ex-girlfriend, his fans…he was scared to let them see how pathetic he had become.

At least in his dream, when he said, "I might be a burden in the future."

She would reply, "It's okay. I will like you no matter what."

He asked, "Will you be disappointed in me?"

She held him gently and answered, "No. I won't. I like you. Only you, and I will always do for many years to come."

Jiang Jinyan relished in the warmth and affection she offered, feeling like he had found his sanctuary. But when everything dispersed into nothingness and he woke up, he had to put on his usual expression and pretended that he didn't feel the sense of loss inside.

He had been so accustomed to her frank and direct manner that seeing her all bashful and blushing like this, he got the urge to tease her to his heart's content. The flesh beneath his palm was warm—warmer than ever, soft—softer than ever, and more importantly, vivid and real. He could even feel the strands of her hair tickling his arm and the sweet refreshing scent coming from her body.

Jiang Jinyan fell into a trance, but seeing no response, he grew sullen, just like a child deprived of candy. "Say it." He said. "Say that you like me."

The girl looked up at her with clear, pure eyes, panicked.

How could today's Shi Nian resemble the real Shi Nian so much?

Jiang Jinyan's brain was muddled and faintly, he felt that something wasn't right. But before the idea could surface, it was wiped away by the soft scent that entered his every breath. Jiang Jinyan chased after that fragrance like a hungry wolf and realized that—it came from the girl's neck, where her veins thudded with life.

He released every restraint and plopped his head onto her shoulder, his voice slightly aggrieved. "Why? You don't like me anymore?"

The body in her arms trembled ever so slightly and slowly, the fair, slender arms reached out and found its way around his back, enveloping his wide frame within the narrow space of her embrace. Jiang Jinyan almost sighed in relief, his whole body relaxing.

He asked, "Will you still like me even if I become a burden?"

No answer.

He only felt the girl grasp his sweater tight and then, gingerly with nervousness that he could feel even without seeing, she caressed his head, fingers slipping into his hair, massaging his scalp gently with tender force. Jiang Jinyan narrowed his eyes in satisfaction, every single caress was savored to the deepest recess of his heart, making it itch and tickle.

"What are you doing?" His voice was raspy and feeble, not a hint of resistance could be heard.

She paused for a second and continued to appease him. Jiang Jinyan felt like a wild animal, starved and wary, body ladened in injuries. In the end, he was picked up by a pair of tender hands, hugged and cherished. Caressed and placated. Making him forget how painful his struggle in the wilderness was.

She hugged him tighter as if trying to block all the rain and wind for him.

Jiang Jinyan took a deep breath and it wasn't long for him to fall back into a slumber, this one was much more peaceful and comfortable than before.

…

Shi Nian glanced down but could only see Jiang Jinyan's hair whorl, his face buried into her neck, breathing softly and deeply. Her position was truly uncomfortable, her waist was bent to support his weight and she could only rely on the strength of her knees to hold on.

But she gritted her teeth and persevered.

Her original mortification had turned into heartache. When Jiang Jinyan asked, "Will you still like me even if I become a burden?" something inside Shi Nian's heart broke into pieces.

She instantly knew the answer to her doubts. So, it turned out that this was what Jiang Jinyan feared. It wasn't that he didn't have any feelings for her, it wasn't that he was heartless, but he was scared. Scared that someday, she would turn her back on him.

How silly.

Foolish general, she muttered as she stroked his head, appeasing him but at the same time, relieving the pain in her heart.

Seeing his fragile side, she wanted nothing but to hug him and say that she would, she would like him no matter what.

Alas, before she could brace herself to speak, he had already fallen asleep.

Shi Nian looked up toward the dark sky and sighed. She pulled her half off coat and wrapped it around him haphazardly. Next, she tried to move him so that he could sleep in a better position but as if sensing her intention, Jiang Jinyan's arms around her waist tightened and he let out a protest grunt, almost knocking the breath out of Shi Nian.

Well, so be it.

That's why, when Jiang Jinyan woke up at dawn, he was surrounded by warmth and sweet fragrance. His whole body felt refreshed due to the best sleep he ever had for months and his mood was happy because he had just had a good dream. 

He opened his eyes fuzzily, disoriented for a moment. The things he registered after dawdling for a while was...an expanse of white, tender skin in front of his eyes. Slow and rhythmic heartbeat echoing in his ears, long jet black hair under his palm, soft breathing above his head, and the slender waist around his arms…

Jiang Jinyan: "…"

Jiang Jinyan: "??!!"

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A/N: Jiang Jinyan: asdfgh@#$%^*!?

Damn it, how awkward would it be lol (/ε＼*) I am feeling the second hand embarrassment even when I'm typing QAQ Alas, Jiang Jinyan, everything you want to hide is exposed~