Heart of Darkness

Angelica thought he had forgotten about the no touching rule but she was wrong. He still seemed as disturbed by being touched and now that she knew it wasn't repulsion and fear she wondered why he feared being touched. 

His shoulders lifted and she could hear him take a deep breath before he turned to face her. "It is not that I am repulsed by you..." He began to explain calmly which surprised her. He never cared to explain his actions. He was behaving differently these days but it was a good change. "I just… don't like to be touched." 

"Why?" she asked. 

Looking a bit frustrated he went to the dresser to pick a new shirt from one of the drawers.. "There is no specific reason." He said pulling the shirt over his shoulders as he walked to the door. 

Angelica got out of bed quickly and hurried to stand between him and the door before he could leave. He looked at her appalled when she blocked his way. 

"There has to be a reason. You avoid me, avoid my gaze, and now my touch. I want to know why if you aren't repulsed." 

He sighed. "I need to leave." 

"And I need to know." She said not moving away from the door. What was wrong with her? If he didn't want to be touched she should just leave it at that. It wasn't as if she wanted to touch him. Did she? "If you tell me to do something or not to do it, you should at least give me a reason." 

He looked at her. "Do you really… want to know?" He asked as if he was going to reveal a big secret. 

"Yes," she replied. 

He stalked toward her as something in his eyes changed. For a moment they looked like burning charcoal which made her blink to make sure that what she saw was right. She must have been imagining it. 

Lord Rayven didn't stop walking toward her until he was only an inch away and she couldn't take a step back since the door was right behind her. She leaned against it just to create a little more distance between them. 

He put one hand on the door beside her head before leaning forward. What was he doing? Trying to intimidate her again? 

"Truth is…" He began to speak in a low voice and she strained her ears but she could hear her heartbeat for some odd reason. "I hate when you touch me because I like it so much." 

Her eyes widened in surprise and he leaned even closer before continuing to speak. 

"I also hate the way you smell…" she could hear him inhale her scent "You smell delicious. And I hate your hair because it's tempting. I want to run my fingers through it, pull it gently while I taste your lips and bite your neck."

Angelica suddenly felt like there was no air left in the room. 

"Your touch makes me unable to resist doing those things and all the other things I want to do to you."

"Oth...other things." She breathed not realizing she was thinking loudly. 

One side of his lips curved into a smile. 

"Imagine all the things a man would want to do to you. I want to do those things and much more." He leaned closer bringing his lips next to her ear. "Because I am no man. I am a beast. A hungry one. So unless you want me to bite you, refrain from touching me."

Angelica stopped breathing altogether. A hungry beast? 

He pulled back and let his arm fall before looking at her frozen face. Now it felt like her heart had frozen as well. 

"I am not saying this to scare. You can touch me when you are ready to let me satisfy my hunger. I am not good at controlling myself." 

Angelica just stared at him speechless. It was too much to take in at once and her heart and lungs refused to cooperate. 

He nodded looking satisfied. "I'll take your brother back to military camp. You should say your goodbyes to him before we leave." He then reached for the doorhandle next to her waist. 

Instinctively, Angelica moved out of the way with a weakness in her knees and he opened the door and left. Only after his departure could she breathe again. 

Feeling lightheaded, she went to sit on the bed. 

He liked her touch? That's why. He wanted to do things.

She was afraid of knowing what things besides the ones he already told her that made her breathless. Shaking her head she decided to leave those thoughts behind for now. She had her brother to say goodbye to. 

After catching her breath, she slid into her wedding gown and went back to her room where she expected to find her brother. He had already dressed and packed his clothes when she arrived. 

"Angelica…" He looked a little worried as his eyes examined her. Angelica wished the earth could open and swallow her at this moment. 

She smiled widely. "I see you have already prepared to leave." 

"Yes, I would stay a little more but I don't want the rest to think that I am negligent and getting favors because you are married to a Lord now." 

"I understand." 

"We can visit our families for the weekend every two weeks. We will see each other soon." He assured her. 

"I am glad." She smiled. She was not going to cry. Not yet anyway. "Just focus on your training. I am sure you will do well." 

He nodded. 

"Let's have breakfast together before you leave." 

*******

Rayven waited near the carriage while Angelica and William said their last goodbyes. Watching this sibling interaction always made him feel a certain way. 

He remembered his sister and this time he didn't push the thought away. He remembered how she would sneak food into his room when his father forbade him to leave his room to discipline him. She would tell him to cry, make him laugh and listen to what he had to say while they were small. And then when they grew up he repaid her kindness with cruelty. 

He was a coward. He had no courage to stand up against his father and be different from the rest to protect the ones who cared for him. 

No. It wasn't that he feared his father and didn't stand up against him because he did, but for selfish reasons. He wanted what his father had but also because he didn't want his father. 

"My Lord?" Willaim was suddenly beside him and looked at him with a frown. "Are you alright?" 

"Yes. Shall we leave?" 

William nodded. He waved to his sister one last time before getting into the carriage.

On their way to the military camp, Rayven sat silently while letting all those beautiful yet painful memories of his sister come to mind. She had such a bright smile that reflected her beautiful soul. His chest tightened. He had punished the man who had hurt her so many times, but it didn't feel enough. No amount of pain he inflicted upon himself would be enough. Yet still, he dared to want to be free from this pain. He was stuck between wanting and not wanting to be punished. He didn't even know what he deserved anymore, but one thing was sure. Someone like him didn't deserve happiness. It was either punishment or death. 

But what came after death? Some said the sinful soul would burn in hell forever and others believed there was nothing after death for demons. That was why they were punished on earth. 

No one knew the real truth because no one came back from death. 

Rayven turned to William who sat quietly. "You must still be angry with me?" He said. 

William met his gaze. "I was never angry with you My Lord. Only disappointed."

Rayven nodded. He preferred angry. 

"I see the good things you have done for my sister. I just don't understand the bad things you wish to do and can't ignore them. You seem to be struggling and no matter what, I do not wish for you to struggle so much that you choose the path you have chosen. I hope you can find a better way." 

Better way? The problem was he didn't deserve better. But the boy didn't know of course. 

Once they arrived at the camp, he said goodbye to William and sent the carriage away on its own. Then he teleported to Lucrezia's cave when no one was looking. 

The cunning woman knew he would come to see her from the way she already waited sitting on her throne with a smirk on her face. 

"Look who is eager." She drawled. "You must want to enjoy your wife with your new face." 

He walked closer to her. "I scarred my face last night but it is not healing fast so the curse is still there." 

She nodded. "Hmm. The healing will only go back to normal once you stop scarring your face." 

"Then make it stop. I don't think I need to show evidence of my marriage." 

"No. Of course not." She waved with her hand. "But what does your marriage have to do with your scars?" 

He clenched his jaw. "You said to make a woman mine." He reminded. 

"Oh, I forgot. So Angelica is now yours?" She pretended to be thoughtful. 

"Is she not?" 

"Well, according to her and humans she is yours legally. But you are not human. You are a demon and there is only one way a woman can belong to a demon." 

"You knew I wanted to die so you couldn't have meant that."

"I did. You know I want you alive. Besides, I never thought you would go for marriage. I thought you found the whole process to be...ridiculous."

Not anymore. Those vows were nothing short of the mating process. He had felt those words and the burden that came with them. 

  "So you want me to make her my mate?" 

"Well, if you can. You know for the mating to work, you both need to give each other not only your services but your hearts and souls. That is what it means to truly belong to someone." 

Rayven couldn't stop the laughter that rose to his throat and left his mouth. He laughed for a good while before he spoke. "Mating or not, Angelica is mine until the day I die. Both you and I know that. Whether she wants to give her heart or not, she belongs to me. And you wanted us to live in the human world and live like humans but it seems that is only when it fits your purpose."

"Yes. I want you to live in the human world as a punishment. To make you live among the humans you hurt, but now to serve them. You are not serving anyone when getting married. It is not a punishment. To me, it looks rather like a reward. " 

"I am not rewarding myself." He growled. 

Lucrezia stood up from her seat and descended the few stairs that separated them. 

"I think you are." She said coming to stand in front of him. "Except for wanting to get your face back, you married Angelica for many other reasons. You wanted revenge for her. What better way to have revenge than to get her status back? Even a higher one. It makes you feel good to see people envy her. You also wanted to find a reason to keep her protected and make her stay in your home without admitting your feelings. You might have wanted those things even more than you wanted your face. Am I wrong?" 

"Yes." 

She chuckled. "Well, at least you got something out of this marriage if not your face." 

"I need my face!" 

She turned away from him, walked back to her throne, and sat down. "My dear. Getting your face or your heart back now all lies in your hands."