Be Gentle, Immortal Master

Chapter 163 – Making Amends

Teng Yuan wasn't speaking loudly, but his words roared like thunder in my ears. My mind went blank.

"Bai Ye might have been able to stop you sooner … if he wasn't away from Mount Hua on the same errand that day with the Gatekeeper and me." Teng Yuan looked out the window, as if gazing into the past through the blanket of whiteness. "But it was too late when we returned. You had completely lost control. If he didn't kill you then, the bloodshed would've spread much farther than just Mount Hua."

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't find my voice. If he didn't kill me … But how could he not? With the blood of all those innocent people on my hands … How could I live?

"He has always blamed himself for what happened," Teng Yuan continued, "because he thinks it's his fault that Twin Stars overpowered you, and he didn't do his job to prevent the tragedy when he saw it coming. So from his point of view, he didn't lie to you or intentionally mislead you. He truly believes he is the one responsible for all of this."

I shook my head. "I've seen visions where he tried to convince her—convince me—to stop bonding with Twin Stars. He did his best, but I wouldn't listen …"

Teng Yuan turned back towards me. The expression on his face softened a little. "Even though you are the sword's spirit, the demonic power of Twin Stars is separate from yours, and you are still susceptible to its influence just like anyone else bound to it. Like you suspected of Bai Ye earlier, that influence can be strong enough to lead you to act against your own will. Although I cannot approve of what you have done, I understand why things happened that way, and it wasn't fully your fault either."

I hadn't expected Teng Yuan to offer words of comfort like this. My surprise must've shown, as he smiled faintly and added, "I admit that the first time I met you—as Yun Qing-er—I thought very little of you. But I've come to realize since then that you are a different person now from the one that caused the mayhem over two hundred years ago. I don't know how Bai Ye did it, but I can tell that he has cleansed all the demonic influence out of you."

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm the reason why all those lives were lost." My voice trembled a little. "What happened to them … to those who died and were hurt?"

"The injured couldn't continue with cultivation anymore, as their spiritual roots were shattered by the demonic sword. The ones that still retained a tie to the commoner's world returned to their families, whereas most stayed at Mount Hua, and Bai Ye tended to them for the rest of their lives. As for the dead … it is beyond our power to save souls from demonic swords like Twin Stars. They are long gone now."

My heart ached. All those lives were lost forever? "But Bai Ye was able to bring me back," I said. "With the same method … Would it not be possible to save the others as well?"

Teng Yuan frowned. "I have no clue how he managed to bring you back. It is an astonishing feat to save a soul from a demonic sword, and I presume it was only possible because you were the sword spirit. Don't take his sacrifice for granted."

"Of course not!" I said hastily. "That wasn't what I was implying, and I don't want to make him pay for my mistake. I only wish that … Maybe since I am the sword spirit, I might be able to reach those souls while others cannot? If there was a way to save me, then there might still be a chance to make amends and help the rest of them as well, and I don't want to let that chance slip by."

Teng Yuan gave me a long look. Then he nodded. "If you are able to save those lives from Twin Stars, it will be a good deed for your own soul. You can ask Bai Ye how he managed to bring you back when he returns from his retreat. All I know is that he locked himself up in the meditation chamber for months after a trip to Azure Dragon Palace. He must have found something there."

"I will visit Azure Dragon Palace tomorrow," I said. "It will ease my mind … especially if it'll take him so long to return from his retreat."

Teng Yuan nodded again approvingly. Then he sighed. "I can see now why he went out of his way to save you. You have a good heart. It was unfortunate that Twin Stars affected you to such an extent … but I hope you will understand why he chose to do what he did. He wouldn't have done anything to hurt you if there was another way."

Of course I understood. And now that I had learned the truth, I only hoped that he wouldn't have spared my life back then even if it was possible. That was the least atonement I could make. "I just wish he had told me the truth," I said. "If I had known sooner …"

"He wants you to live this new life free from the burdens from those memories," Teng Yuan said. "What's done is done. Dwelling on the past won't help any of us. Besides, not everyone will be able to understand that you are no longer the same sword spirit as before. If the secret of Twin Stars becomes public knowledge, it can make your life quite difficult."

I clenched my hands into fists. Bai Ye had considered everything for me as always, from my safety to my feelings. Yet I …

"I won't let his effort go to waste," I said and bowed low to Teng Yuan. Now, the path in front of me was finally clear, and I knew what I needed to do.