Wooing my Bodyguard Wife

Minutes before Wei Yan gets devastatingly, embarrassingly and humiliating thrown out of the window like a bag of mouldy leftovers after a long day, Ming Guang and Mrs Li had already put their plans in place.

“This will do it,” Yue Niang said smugly, peering down at her phone. She had sent the message to the group chat that they were to rendezvous outside.

It was vague enough that the errant team members would assume that they’d meet at their usual spot, which meant that Ming Guang could catch the last of them in one swoop.

“Are you sure this would work?” Ming Guang said disbelievingly. “No one could be that stupid.”

“These goons made a group chat and named it ‘Sun Jingwei Kidnapping Mission’, how intelligent could they be?” Yue Niang asked dryly, shooting poor Ding Fei an utterly disparaging look.

“You should be thanking your lucky stars that I’m not your employer. If I found out about your incompetence, I would have you drawn and quatered and your insides made into mincemeat!” Li Yue Niang’s eyes flashed with anger, and Ming Guang found himself nodding in approval. He hated incompetence and stupidity too!

Ding Fei closed his one remaining eye, willing himself to turn into dust and be blown away by the night breeze. He was losing quite a lot of blood, but there was still enough of it to reach his ears, causing them to flush an embarrassed red.

Fine, making a group chat about their criminal activities wasn’t the best idea! But in his defence, it was a faster way to disseminate information! How could he risk calling – someone could discover his people when they heard them talk!

‘This woman is so old, so she doesn’t get it’, he thought bitterly to himself, even as his wound ached.

“Time to make your way there,” Yue Niang said to Ming Guang, “make sure to bring a weapon with you – I’ll lend you my husband’s knife.”

Ming Guang waited at the door, keeping a careful eye out on the two men. One was still concussed, and Ding Fei continued to close his one eye, refusing to think about his future. How was he going to survive in the future? Perhaps he should just get this man to stab him right now; if he died, perhaps he’d become a vicious ghost in the afterlife and haunt this woman!

Then he thought about this woman kicking his ass across two realms, and promptly discarded that idea.

Meanwhile, said woman went to her bedroom to dig out her husband’s trusty knife from under their mattress.

Their paranoia in the last 30 years had finally paid off!

Initially, they used to sleep with their precious knife under their pillows, but that got riskier when they had children and succumbed to the sleep deprivation that plagued all young parents. Even when it was fully sheathed, Yue Niang and Tai Cheng found themselves more likely to slice off their own fingers by accident than stabbing an intruder.

And it got even more unsafe when Tai Xuan and Xue Ning grew old enough to clamber into their beds, jumping on them in the morning to wake them up. Those kids of theirs were curious to a fault. What if they sliced off their feet? Yue Niang wouldn’t know how to explain it to the school teachers or the insurance companies!

So, as a compromise, they put it under their mattress. Meanwhile, the sheathed swords were in their cupboard – and of course none of their kids ever found out, because none of them liked to make beds or do laundry!

Yue Niang removed the sheath in one practised motion, lifting up the knife. Even when the blade was decorated with rivulets that looked like growth rings in a tree, it still caught the light with a deceptively gentle glow.The handle was made from a steady dark wood, and above it, another segment was carved with intricate waves of bright orange.

Underneath the hilt, was the diamond that used to be her family’s crest.

“Hello, Nangong. How long has it been since I released you?”

Yue Niang sighed; this beauty of hers had spent too long in retirement, and yet not enough. It was time for it to finally see some real use! She made a quick slash, just to test it out, and was delighted at how the very air around it seemed to vibrate.

It’ll do for these nuisances.

“Here, Ming Guang, let me introduce you to Nangong Jin, my beloved knife.” Yue Niang said, handing the knife to him as she went back to her daughter’s room. If things went back to normal, she’d install a sword holder here, just to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself.

Ming Guang’s eyes widened as he received the knife with two hands, bowing respectfully. This… this knife was a custom made one! He had never seen such an intricately beautiful design on the handle before, and it almost made him feel unworthy to hold it.

But he would rather stab himself than to actually drop it!

He clutched the knife more firmly in his hands, and realised that it was light, yet perfectly balanced.

“Can I…?” Ming Guang asked, excitement growing inside him, as though he was a child with a new toy.

“Feel free to test it out on them,” Yue Niang pointed at the men, and Ming Guang blinked in surprise. Ding Fei watched the sharp point of the knife and mentally said a prayer for himself.

“Oh no, I was just going to ask if I could test it on the curtains or something.” Ming Guang said.

Thank goodness some deity up there still heard him! Ding Fei could cry in relief, but he only had one eye and not enough bodily fluids.

“Ah, that’s fine too,” Yue Niang said, even if she was slightly displeased. She didn’t want to ruin the curtains, but then the blood splatters would have made them unsalvageable anyway. “Slice away then.”

Holding his breath, Ming Guang went closer to the window and swiped the knife across the curtains, letting the tip of the knife brush past the fabric.

The air was still.

Ding Fei snorted. “Ha, you got a blunt knife – “

Before he could complete his sentence, the curtain fell apart!