Soul for a Girlfriend?

It was Saturday and I wasn't in the mood to cook anything. I had some leftovers from last night but I ended up eating them in the middle of the night. I tried my best to keep my dietary habits in check ever since I moved out.

Moving out won't be an appropriate term since I was still living here because my dad used to send my monthly allowance. I was thinking of getting a part-time job next year because I didn't want to depend completely on him.

Maybe it was my ego.

But having a part time job would make things a lot easier for me.

Not that I was short on money, but having extra money doesn't hurt.

I was reminiscing about the time when I used to go back home to an empty house. Both my parents were working so they never really had time for me or my sister. I grew up with my sister taking care of me most of the time.

My mother wasn't the most amiable woman at home. Though I had heard from her that people sing praises about her at her workplace. Maybe because of her duality. She was a completely different woman when she used to be at home.

She was quite a manipulative woman.

But since I was exposed to this behaviour at quite a young age, I slowly became aware of these habits as I grew up. She used to stoop down to the lowest of lows, if it meant that she could control me and my sister.

She was a control freak.

She used to get hysterical if things didn't go her way. When I was young, I used to think that woman was my mother so she held absolute authority over me.

But things changed as I grew up.

I was getting fed up with her controlling nature. According to her, she was trying to do the best for me, but I never once felt a glimpse of affection from her or her actions.

It was a lie, she used to feed herself.

A lie that validated her guilt.

Everytime, I used to go up to her, she would just push me away with her bitter words and cold stare. I wouldn't blame her, maybe because I was indeed a incompetent person.

My dad, mom and even my sister were quite hard working people in general. Compared to them, I was nothing but a failure.

Failure.

I understood this word and how well it can destroy someone.

Failure was a virtue of growth, which was indeed true. But considering failing a possibility in the first place was nothing but a loser's point of view.

And I didn't want to be a loser.

Winning was everything for me. No matter how I achieved it, only the results were what mattered.

I tried everything I could to make them smile at me but never once got even a single word of appreciation. It was always a nod or a cold reply with no emotions in their word.

I still remember my mother's eyes. Those eyes never once illustrated motherly affection. Rather, they were cynical and cold. Looking back at it, I hate her gaze. It was like she was looking at a tool.

A defective tool.

My sister on the hand never received as harsh treatment as me and I'm glad about it. My parents used to appreciate her for a lot of things and why wouldn't they? 

After all, she was an excellent person compared to me.

Though, as time was passing by, things were getting unbearable for me. Maybe because I couldn't live with the burden of being a failure that I moved out from under that roof.

Though I just went off recalling old days while I had something else on my mind at the moment.

Ever since that day, I haven't talked with Shiraishi. Mostly because she hasn't even texted me. She was trying to avoid me at school too.

She was ready to face the truth.

Seems like not telling a truth was considered rude, but feeding someone the lie of kindness was considered to be amiable.

I was a bit worried about whether or not my decision was legible. But thinking about it just led me to an endless spiral of possibilities, with no solid conclusion.

Human emotions have always been something out of our common understanding.

Even though we were couples, this was the first time she was mad at me. But I couldn't do anything about that because she was clearly the one in the wrong at that moment.

I was just waiting to see how the events unfold.

I checked my mobile, and my last text to Shiraishi was still left on seen. Even though her status was online, she wouldn't text me. She was firm on her idea of this entire ordeal.

What a stubborn girl.

I was feeling like eating something from outside like some fast food. Though it wouldn't suffice for a meal, it would definitely be enough to munch on as snacks for evening.

I was in the mood for some fried chicken, because why not?

I was slipping in my shoe when I heard the footsteps of Lilith creeping up on me. Turning back, I noticed her curious eyes looking at me. Holding the doorknob, I asked, "Oi, you want to eat something?"

I understood why she was making such a confused face. I was a person who didn't usually go out on weekends or any other to be specific. So it was genuinely something to be curious about.

"Where are you going?" She asked while narrowing her eyes at me. Pulling the door open, I stepped outside and said, "Just going for a stroll."

Her eyes moved diagonally upwards as she appeared to be giving some thoughts to my question. At last, a frown formed on her face as she replied with an uncertain tone, "Umm… anything you like? Just bring something delicious!"

"Hai Hai.." I nodded and waved at her while closing the door behind me and walking away.