Soul for a Girlfriend?

I was looking towards the monochromatic ceiling in Shiraishi's room. I was holding an open textbook in one of my arms while my other arm was resting on top of Shiraishi's head, who was lying like a cat on my chest.

"Let me stay like this a little longer…" Her soft voice requested and trailed off, as I lied there looking at the ceiling with dead silence around me.

There was a strange pressure in the silence and it felt like she had many things to say but couldn't muster up the strength to say those words. It was the first time since we met that she was showing this side of her.

She was usually a cheerful and energetic girl with no apparent worries in her life.

But right in that moment, the Shiraishi who was in front of me seemed much more rigid and stern.

Taking a deep breath, I looked around for a moment before sticking my eyes at her. Gently cradling her hair, I asked in a soft tone, "You wanna talk?" 

"I...uhm…" She moved her head and looked up towards me. Our faces were so close that I could look at my reflection in her amber coloured eyes. Nodding slightly, I smiled and said, "It's alright… I'm all ears."

"Is something wrong with me?" She asked with a bit of underlying anticipation in her voice. Questions like these can't be answered directly, so I asked, "...from which perspective?"

"Everyone of them?" She replied instantly and added in a downcasted tone, "People say a lot of things about me."

"And?" I asked, and a brief silence grew between us. She was staring at me with a confused look, as she asked in a soft voice, "What do you mean by that?"

"Do what they're saying changes who you are as a person?" I asked more specifically, and she said in quite an irritated tone, "... It does… I've a spoiled image in the eyes of others."

"Yeah… others. You know that all of those are crap, right?" I emphasised on the word 'other'. Even though I wasn't actually showing her any empathy, I knew exactly what she wanted to hear from me.

My bad habit of sugar coating.

"Yeah… but…" She was cut mid sentence by me, as I patted her head again and said in a soft voice, "I know it's difficult… to have people talk about you."

"But… have they ever said anything to your face?"

"But… I know… the way they look at me… those eyes… I hate them." She said in a passively annoyed tone and added, "Every single one of them!"

"But isn't it true that you've changed a lot of partners." I asked, as she looked up at me with a weird persistence in her eyes and replied in a vague tone, "They've changed me."

"You're loyal to them? And they still broke up with you?"

"Yes… it's mostly because…" She stopped before finishing the sentence and glanced at me. She was way too close to me that I was noticing even the slightest of her movements. I gave her a nod, "Because?"

"I become way too attached to them in the beginning, and they slowly lose interest in me after some time." She answered while looking at me, as I said with a slight nod, "After some time? So it's mostly infatuation?"

"Probably… I also find it easier for myself to move on from them." She said, as her hands slowly traced into my hair and she added with a wry smile, "It was difficult at the start… but slowly I became used to it."

"I'm dumb… I always end up thinking that this time would be different than the last one and end up getting treated the same way." She chuckled, but for some reason the tone of her voice didn't match the expression on her face.

"I tried to treat someone the same way I was being treated and suddenly it became a huge issue and I was the bad one?" She asked me almost as if she was asking for validation from me. With a sigh, I nodded my head and replied, "You… should value yourself more."

"Wha… the?" She looked at me with surprise, as assuming from her tone, it appeared like what I said offended her. I looked at her and asked, "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No it's just that… no one has ever said something like this to me before."

"You're a nice person, Saishi."

"I'm not nice." I replied with quite certainty in my tone that she was caught off guard by it. She stared at me for a few moments before replying in a soft voice, "Thank you… I guess?"

"Doesn't Moriko help you with this?" I asked her so that she doesn't steer the topic over to me being helpful to her.

After all, I wasn't being helpful to her.

I wasn't nice.

She was nothing but a job for me.

"She doesn't really prefer getting involved in this hassle." She replied with an awkward smile. I was a bit dubious about it because Moriko always appeared to have some latent hatred for Shiraishi.

I wouldn't point that out. Of course part of it was because I didn't need to at that moment.

If push comes to a shove then I might as well resolve down to methods I've been avoiding.

"That's one friend you…" I was interrupted by Shiraishi, who was swaying her hands to defend her friend, "No no. I obviously don't expect her to defend me from a mess that I've created in the first place."

"Don't get me wrong… but you seem to be quite friendly with everyone." I said, as she seemed to the popular girl in her class. 

She said that she was sick of the rumours but those tumours didn't seem to affect her social standing whatsoever. And if those rumours were indeed true, no one seemed to be using it against her in any way.

These rumours were rather strange. 

Almost as if someone suddenly stirred them up and now expects it to spread uniformly.