FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM - HER FIRST LOVE

He had his defence ready, though, should his father decide to flood him with his fury. Alastair had no purpose or intention to attend the so-called birthday celebrations in the first place. Yet, he had stayed for the first few minutes being the dutiful heir to the throne. 

He had followed the tradition by cutting the cake, lifting the champagne in cheers, greeting his guests. He had done all of that before escaping the torture. No one could tell he was faking that smile and pretended to be happy or that he had no interest in entertaining such nonsensical shenanigans. 

Helena's music and her song helped a lot. She had specially prepared it for his birthday, and Alastair wouldn't have missed it for the world. He loved Helena and Gisela with all his heart. 

No matter whether he had stayed for a few minutes or a few hours, he had fulfilled his obligations as his father's son. So his father shouldn't be that disappointed in him. 

Alastair had felt hot, and the expensive suit he wore suffocated him to the point where he couldn't breathe. Using it as his excuse, he left the party under the pretence of needing fresh air. In the empty balcony of his room, he had spent the rest of the night alone, reliving his times spent with his best friends. 

He wished he could be in his sweatpants and T-shirt, sitting next to Alexander and sipping their favourite brand of whiskey. Instead, he had to endure this suffering in the name of showing off their culture and pride. 

He was drowning himself in his whiskey when his phone vibrated, indicating an incoming message. It was seven in the morning, and Alastair had waited all night for that message. 

He thought of refilling his glass but decided against it since the morning sun had risen already. Placing the empty glass on the table, he removed his suit jacket and tossed it around, his velvet tie following right behind. He undid a few buttons of his shirt and sighed in relaxation as the cool air caressed his hot skin. 

It felt like a soothing balm over the burn. 

"I wish there is a balm to soothe the ache inside my chest," he murmured to himself, taking a seat on the wooden furniture, a knee crossed over the other. His gaze ran over the large balcony furnished in Mediterranean style, but he saw nothing. Everything seemed empty, just like his heart. 

He read the message aloud once again and laughed bitterly. 

"No, Alex, I haven't been happy for a long while, not since I lost my best friends. As you said, I regret losing your friendship. Nothing comforts me without having my friends beside me. I miss the precious love I lost," he admitted to the empty place, trying to share his loneliness with the invisible wind unfolding around him, his voice sad and timid. 

He remembered the days when his best friends would smear the cake on his face and take pictures of his silly, offended face. 

Happy birthday, Alastair. Stay blessed. We miss you. 

A smile worked its way onto Alastair's lips despite all the whirlwind of heavy emotions he struggled with at the moment. It was watery, though, a sad smile filled with regrets and self-pity. 

"Thank you, Felicity," he said and choked back a sob. The knowledge that one of his best friends still missed him brought a little comfort to his aching heart. Though she had mentioned it in the plural, he knew it was only her words. Alexander wouldn't pity him enough to feel such emotions for his ex-best friend. 

Alastair knew Alexander would never forgive him because one thing his best friend hated the most was betrayal, and Alastair had failed him as a friend. 

Thomas was no less petty than Alexander. Alastair could bet there must be a neck and neck race between them to show who hates Alastair more. 

Alastair chuckled at the memory of Thomas and Felicity fighting. Thomas would whine, complaining that everyone in their group always took Felicity's side even though she was wrong. 

"I miss you too, Felicity. I miss all of you," he confessed, his tone hopeful as though his friends could hear him. 

He opened a picture from his phone gallery and stared at it until the tears blurred his vision. 

It was the day when Felicity shared the news of her confirmed pregnancy. Alexander never looked that happier. The grin on his face wouldn't leave. Jessa was scowling at Thomas and Felicity as they both kept on fighting. Thomas was placing his bet that both he and Alexander were going to have a son. Felicity wanted a daughter and felt disappointed at Thomas's predictions which led to their fight. 

Jessa's belly was starting to show. She was five months pregnant already, but she requested the doctor to keep the gender of her baby a secret because she wanted it to be a surprise. 

Alastair's thumb slid over the screen of his cell phone, moving on to another picture. He loved photography then and would capture every special moment in his camera. He chuckled at Jessa's glare pointed at her husband in the picture because he had made Felicity cry. 

Jessa was a sweetheart and would never hurt anyone intentionally. She was always the sensible one, a peacemaker in their group. 

Unlike Thomas, Jessa would never keep a grudge. She wasn't petty, and Alastair hoped she had forgiven him. 

Another picture and Alastair's heart squeezed tighter, suffocating him. He remembered setting the timer on and running to join his friends for a group photo. 

Everyone had a smile on their faces, and their eyes smiled as well, except for Mariana. Both Alexander and Mariana had their arm wrapped around Felicity's shoulder. 

Alastair remembered wishing he could take Mariana's pain away so that she could smile. He knew she was happy for her best friends, but she was heartbroken. She had loved Alexander from the moment she had laid eyes on him, and Felicity's pregnancy had been the final nail in the coffin of her dead heart. 

Somehow, their happiness triggered disappointment in her chest. 

But Felicity understood her inner turmoil and never judged Mariana poorly. 

"It's okay, Anna. It's okay to feel jealousy or envy. It's okay to feel sad because you're hurt. It's okay because you are human, and you have the right to nurse your wounded heart. It's okay because I understand," Felicity had said, pulling Anna into a hug. The latter had apologised for feeling hurt, but the former had only smiled affectionately at her. 

Meanwhile, in between all the chaos that Mariana's heart went through, Alastair had waited patiently for years. He waited for her to give him a chance to fill the void in her heart with his love. He loved her secretly and never dared to confess because he knew she was in love with his best friend. 

Though he knew Alexander would never reciprocate her love, Alastair respected her feelings and never tried to ask her for a chance. Instead, he decided to wait until her broken heart mended. It was her first love, after all. Alastair knew what it felt like to let go of your first love. 

He dropped his phone on the table and threw his head back, the backrest supporting the weight. He brushed his fingers through his long curls of hair, his eyes gazing at the blue sky surrounded by pure white clouds. Their shapes seemed like a herd of sheep gathered around the blue pond of water. 

Alastair instantly felt guilty for thinking that his life had also been like a pool of water surrounded by a thirsty herd of sheep. 

Gisela and Gretta were not unemotional or unfeeling herds of sheep. Subconsciously, he smiled, remembering Gisela's gift. His beloved daughter had painted a beautiful family portrait for him. 

Alastair never regretted having Gisela. She was the best gift of his life, and she makes him immensely happy. 

Despite everything, he couldn't help cursing the void in his heart that kept bothering him for years. 

'Do you miss me too, Anna?' 

Alastair wondered. 

He didn't dare to voice out that thought.

Alastair had never once turned back to see how his friends had thrown him out of their lives. It would hurt more. 

'Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.'

He could feel the hangover creeping in the corners. It was almost eight in the morning, and he decided to take a shower. 

As soon as he set foot inside his bedroom, his eyes landed on the sleeping figure of his wife. She was sound asleep on their bed. He noticed her form slightly shivering though she had covered herself in the fluffy blanket. He found the remote control on the red sofa and pointed at the air-conditioner readjusting the temperature to reduce the cold. 

He deposited the remote on the nightstand, and his eyes fell on the glass of water along with two pain reliever pills placed on his side of the nightstand. Gretta might have walked in on him getting drunk at night and glad that she gave him privacy. 

He was thankful for her understanding nature and smiled in gratitude, not only for the medicines but also for every other thing she had done for him. He had found a trustworthy friend in her. 

Leaning down, he planted a kiss on her forehead. He appreciated her presence in his lonely life, and somewhere deep in his chest, Alastair had hidden his guilt for not loving her the way she would want him to. 

Standing under the shower, he wondered what his life would have been if he hadn't given up his happiness. 

'If only everyone is lucky enough to keep their first love.'